"Love and Hate only a chemical." I hear that line in this song every time I work. "Don't believe in what the world tells you, it's all just a chemical." It seems to me a song that gives up on our humanity. It is those chemicals that make us human, though if you think of it as that it sounds so robotic. What exactly is it that registers these different chemicals for different people. Why is it that some people we think are awesome without them having to say a word, and other people you don't want them to even acknowledge you for you are disgusted by them. Are these feelings a sixth sense? like we can already know a person before we actually know them. I don't know. Does anyone out there know the answer? Or how is it that even though we feel so much hate for someone we still care so much? Is the hate a facade?
It has been awhile since I have updated and I promised I would the day after my last entry. To that I apologize, but I have been quite the busy one. It is like when you turn twenty-one life kicks into overdrive. So many parties going on that I might get burnt out very quick, so I think I need to slow it down some. Though right after I write this entry I will be taking my shower and getting ready to go to a bar with Lisa from work and her girlfriend. Yep, I'm going to a lesbian bar... should be interesting! I'm going for the karaoke!
Geoff and I made up, and I still worry about that kid. It seems from 18 - 20 you are just a lost soul trying out your new wings of freedom. I don't think you realize then how hard it is to fly, and most find themselves with clipped wings watching life fly by them. Maybe it is just me that has found that to be the way of things from personal experience as well as others.
Brian called me to make amends and invite me to a party of his. This confused Geoff to why I could say I hate the kid one day, and be nice to him the next. Most people think I'm such a complicated person to figure out, and I will tell you why. I'm complicated because it is like trying to figure themselves out. "Treat others as you want to be treated" has been the way I have lived life for a long time. The way I act towards people and treat them is based purely on how they act. I am only a mirror image of what you do to me. I have always said, "I can be your best friend, or worst enemy.", but as we know most people are their own worst enemies so, you know. I was taught the mirror thing in drama a long time ago, so when I first meet people I'm usually silent and just taking in everything about them to be just like them. Everyone is research to see how they react and how different people are. It is the best thing for an actor. I am an actor, and I acted most of my life. As most know, I said I was laying down the pin and stopped writing the script and acting the part. I will not stop mirror treating others though, for it is the best way I have found for me to be to people. Sorry, that you are probably confused now.
After work that night I went to Brian's for the party and some cool cats were all hanging around. It was fun until certain events happened and Geoff called Katie. After he called her I yelled at him for calling her, because he no right to call her and he ran his mouth to me. Now for all those people I have told not to fuck with me, pay attention! So I walked over and shoved his shoulder which made him flip backwards in the chair. I told him not to fuck with me, and walked away. Geoff got up and threw a beer bottle at my feet which shattered. So I walked back over and puched him in the face I thought, but he moved in time apparently and I just got him in the back of the neck. He got up and said, "You're lucky I'm a pussy!" so I chuckled and walked back inside. Everyone was coming up to me asking me what was going on and then went to Geoff who apparently wanted to go after me, but Alex warned him that was a bad idea. It would have been a very bad idea indeed. Geoff and I later talked and apologized to each other. It was an alright night, but too many naked people and underaged girls naked walking around. Creepy... :shivers:
Silence is golden and people are self destructive. The best way to get revenge is to wait and watch them ruin themselves. It is good to finally see that everyone here finally sees what a prick Steven is. All I can say is I told them so. I am much wiser than people give me credit for.
My mother and I are going to get to share a lifetime experience together, but don't get too excited. We are both filing for bankruptcy at the same time. Riviting I know.
AbsoluteZero01:
Amanda needs to go back to school and get a job. This is critical point in her life where it is going to really impact the rest of it. Everyone tells me not to worry about it cuz she isn't my problem anymore. This is true, and I don't care for her the way I did, but I never lied about anything I said to her. So I do care and worry for her, but not in the way I did. I want only the best for her and right now she seems so confused. Enough jibberish that makes no sense. I just worry so much for her, because she is so lost it seems.
Bankruptcy will finally set me free from this burden of debt. I'll be able to start over with a fresh start, and it will be off my record by the time I plan on buying a house and settling down anyway. Hopefully they will take my damn car too, cuz I hate that thing so much!
I was asked to lie about something I don't feel I should have to lie about, but I will most likely never have to be confronted about it for I don't talk to them anymore. So, it should all work itself out.
Recent Comments