October 7, 2004
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"We are artists. We feel things differently than normal people do. That is why we write music to make them feel what we feel." - Jay from Raise Your Voice
Yea, I probably didn't mention I had free tickets to see that new Hillary Duff movie before it came out. It was a pretty good movie, but kind of harsh and makes you want to cry. Oh, and if you are making fun of me for seeing that movie remember this. 1) free tickets! 2) Hillary Duff running around in a skirt for 2 hours... nice!
Anyway, I fear I may be failing myself here. I'm starting to overload my brain with things. Makes it difficult to sleep at nights and I have to play guitar and write songs to be able to sleep. I'm so exhausted both physically and mentally. I'm having dreams again. I wish they would go away. They do nothing but make me wake up saddened by them. I'm not depressed by any means though. Just certain feelings were awakened and I'm trying to build the wall to stop the flood. It is better to just not feel than deal with it. These scars will never be healed. They will always be fresh and easy to cut open. Not even an apology is enough a suture for them. :sigh: Just need to stop thinking about everything again. I will never understand, and it will only drive me crazy again to think about it.
On the bright side of life, The regional manager and district manager came into pac-sun today. They are wanting me to become a manager, but I don't know. The cool thing though is the reginal manger, who is a really hott for her age, wants me to go to a meeting with her and a bunch of district managers to play guitar. Freakin sweet, eh? Hopefully she isn't just BS'ing me like the VP of Game Crazy did with me making that training game I programmed. I also got another free smoothie from Smoothie King. Those ladies are nice to bring me those when I'm working. The one lady wants me to teach her husband some guitar. Which I told her I could show him a few things. All in all life is pretty good, but if it is so good, then why do I feel this way? I know why, but crying over it all over again isn't going to get me any farther than it did last time.
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