October 15, 2004

• I'm afraid I'm becoming very cynical of love like Mandy Moore in How To Deal. "Why can't we get divorced before we get married and save that whole extra step." I'm really not even interested in relationships anymore. They just seem to be meaningless acts of self indulgence at ones expense, because in the end we always get hurt. Love is a form of parasite relationship where one is the host and the other is the parasite. The parasite just keeps taking from the host, and the host keeps giving and giving until the parasite has taken all it needs and leaves the host empty and frail. That is exactly what love is.

  
  

  I was talking to a friend of mine who is in a relationship where they are constantly being treated badly, so I asked them why they are staying with them when everyone tells them they should leave their partner, and I know they feel the same. They said it is because they have put so much time into the relationship. Seems to be a lame excuse to stay with someone who keeps taking from you. I told them, "Why waste anymore time on something that you probably don't want to dedicate your life to, when you can spend your time finding or with someone else who is worth the time." Though I'm sure that statement went unheard.

  
  

  I haven't updated my xanga for awhile because I have had too much to say. Make sense? Probably not, so let me explain. I have had a lot to say but didn't want to type it on impulse and stir a bunch of crap up in my life. I don't need nor want it. I did talk to Amanda one more time after I last posted, and it definitely was not a good conversation and is the reason I have been signed off aim and stayed away from xanga for a week. Not even going into detail, but all I can say is this from a little song I'm working on:

  
  

  Apathy stopped this wound from bleeding
  Sutures sewn with apologies
  but I'll never have to worry about them breaking
  since you cauterized with wound with hate

  • 12:11 pm
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