February 8, 2005

• Today has been a different day for me. I woke up this morning from a nightmare. I woke up in deep meloncholy state. My eyes filled up with tears and I really just cried. Probably wondering what the dream was about I would assume. As it was a dream, I can't remember every detail. I remember that it was about Lindsay. Funny that I haven't had dreams like these since Amanda broke up with me. It kinda scares me that I would be dreaming like this since it has only happen with only one other girl. The dream was me trying to win over Lindsay but failing over and over and her hating me. I know this doesn't seem like such a big deal, but it was so real and everyone talked down on me in the dream. It really bothered me when I awoke.

  
  

  I missed my speech class this morning. That isn't very good. I really need to start going! After that I went to work 10am - 6pm. It was a busy day at work. Not with customers but with the store.

  
  

  After I got off work I went to Lindsay's house so we could go to the mall. We hung out here for a bit with her friend Whitley(?) for awhile. It was fun. They were hyper and it was funny. At about 8 we went to the Florence Mall to walk around for a bit. She saw a awesome purse that she wanted at Hot Topic. It was pretty flippin' sweet. I think, maybe, we will be going back out on Thursday so she can get it. For the ride I picked out a collection of songs on CD's to play for her. Each song having a hidden meaning of what I wanted to tell her. I've just always found the music can express my feelings better than my words can ever do sometimes. When Vertical Horizon played I just started crying, because of the lyrics. It made me think about how much I want to be what she wants, but I fear I won't. The unknown is very scary. I'm so comfortable around her, and she is so awesome and fun to be around. I think I get a little too comfortable, because when I was sitting at her desk she was over my shoulder and I almost turned around and kissed her. Mid way I realized what the hell I was doing and just said, "whoa" and stopped. I have no clue what the hell came over me. That would have so pissed her off and she would have kicked the shit out of me. I hope that never happens again. I don't want to ruin any future chance I may have with her, and the friendship we have now. I care about her so freakin much!

  • 10:47 pm
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